How do you learn to love yourself?

How do you learn to love yourself?

Self-love and self-care are hot topics these days, and not without good reason: in today’s society, we are constantly bombarded with stimuli that influence our day-to-day thinking.

In lamens terms- you don’t like yourself and you want to know how to fix it.

Well, I’m not a guru, nor am I a mental health professional, but I am a genius so check out some steps below to stop feeling like crap every day.

Because you are beautiful and the world deserves more of YOU!


💛 Watch your energy and your thoughts

This is not Woo.

This is real life.

In order to love yourself, the essential step is to start paying attention to the way you think about yourself.

Most people don’t think about their thinking–it’s a habit you have to cultivate day in and day out, but in order to love yourself, you must start by swapping negative thoughts for positive ones each time you catch yourself thinking them.

Do the 7 day challenge- find one thing everyday that you like about yourself, and then think about that all day long. I promise, it will do wonders for how you feel about yourself.

💛 Don’t be a doormat

You’ve heard the saying “treat others the way you’d like to be treated,” but the inverse is also true.

Most of the time, it’s hard to love others if you don’t love yourself.

So i’m going to get real with you.

STAP TREATING OTHER PEOPLE BETTER THAN YOU TREAT YOURSELF.

if you’re  the kind of person who finds it easy to do things for others but never pays attention to your own needs, then you should definitely apply your good habits towards to yourself. 

Treat yo’ self girl!

💛 Set hard boundaries 

Listen, it’s easy to say yes and it’s hard to say no.

But you gotta do it.

You gotta learn to say no and set those boundaries and not move an inch.

It’s also important to set boundaries in your life and in your relationships. When you have a positive self-image, you are less likely to let people walk all over you or do things you’re uncomfortable with for the sake of not letting someone else down.

Learning that it’s okay to say no out of respect for yourself will help you build a habit of valuing your worth. 

💛 Enjoy being alone

Spending time with friends and family is great and can be very healthy, but sometimes, it’s necessary to get alone in order to rest or just do the things you like to do.

For real. It’s nice to just be by yourself and do what YOU WANNA DO!

No asking other peoples opinions. No asking what they want for dinner. And for all the fellow moms- no running around chasing after kids and trying to stay sane at the same time!

It also gives you an opportunity to reflect on your thinking and work things out without distractions.

Because let me tell you, the day is full of distractions. Phone ringing, people talk and way too much to do on your todo list #allthethings.

Of course, this implies that you put the technology aside sometimes–though it’s also nice to watch a movie or some YouTube- you can also do that with headphones when your around other people.

Alone time should be cherished and respected. Respect your time so you can love yourself!

💛 Cultivate loving relationships

On the flipside, loving yourself also means spending time with the people who love you, whether it’s your significant other, family member, or friend.

Hell, Sometimes I just want to snuggle my cat without any distractions.

In any case, it is important that it is a loving relationship–not a one-way street, not hostile or negative, and not toxic.

No relationship is perfect, but if you walk away feeling like crap almost every time, its time to set some HARD boundaries.

You are so worthy!

The people you spend the most time with should bring out the best in you, not the opposite.

💛 No settling here my friend

This is advice often used in relationships, but it is certainly applicable to other areas, too: don’t settle for the job that you hate, the haircut that sucked, or even when a restaurant gets your order wrong.

Just Don’t Settle. Period.

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards as long as you don’t start expecting perfection. Believing that you deserve quality relationships, quality services, and a quality life is an important part of loving yourself.

And it’s fucking true. YOU DESERVE THE WORLD. But it won’t happen unless you take care of you.

💛 Put up those feet and stop doing so much shit

Many of us are on the go a lot–jobs, school, family, etc., and we don’t take the time to relax enough.

Sometimes (cough cough) we don’t take any time to relax.

Relaxation doesn’t always mean a week-long vacation. (Although that’s nice sometimes, too!) It can mean a fifteen-minute breather, an evening of pampering, or a nature walk at the local park. Anyway you slice it, relaxation is an essential part of showing yourself a little self-love and makes it easier for you to do the things you need to do.

💛 Quit Lying to yourself you hypocrite

It’s really easy, depending on who you are, to slip into denial when it comes to recognizing your weaknesses–because most of us don’t like our flaws, and we don’t want to think about them.

But damn, can you point out the flaws in other people in a second!

Even though it’s not productive to focus on them obsessively, it’s also not productive to pretend they don’t exist. That means you’re lying to yourself, because everyone has weaknesses. Being honest about your mistakes and accepting the fact that you’re not perfect is actually more loving than ignoring them–because then you can grow through them.

💛 Believe in grace

It doesn’t matter what your personal belief system is–you’re better off believing in grace than not, because when you do make mistakes, you need a healthy way to deal with them.

People make mistakes, mkay?

The alternative is having grace on yourself–determining that your shortcomings do not have any bearing on your self-worth. It can be difficult to do at times, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

💛 Forgive yourself

Right next to grace is forgiveness–and again, it doesn’t matter what your belief system is, because forgiving yourself is essential to self-love.

When you hold onto your mistakes, you’re not helping anyone–least of all yourself. No matter how big the mistake is, learning to forgive yourself is incredibly healing.

And really, how much anxiety do you have thinking about all the stuff you’ve fucked up?

I know when I hold onto mistakes they creep in and cause self doubt. No Charisty, you can’t be succesful because you dropped your Macbook Pro when it should have been in a sleeve. How dare you think that you can try again!

But I forgave myself about the 2k dollar mistake so I can move on with my life, I suggest you do the same!

💛 Learn to let go of the past

This goes hand-in-hand with forgiving yourself, but the difference is that it also implies forgiving others.

Because people are going to screw you over. Royally. And they might not even mean to do it. Sometimes people make mistakes and you suffer for it.

Many times, not forgiving others is just as (if not more) damaging to yourself than it is to the other person. Letting go of past transgressions–whether they were your fault or someone else’s–is a two-fold kindness to yourself and to others.

💛 Get yo head out of the clouds

If you’re not living in the past, then you may be fretting the future–which isn’t going to help you love yourself much.

All we really have is the present moment, and it’s enough just to face the challenges (and successes) of the day. It’s not that you can always ignore the concerns of the future, but you can choose to accept where you are today and treat each day as a fresh start.

If you are obsessed with past mistakes or constantly thinking you’ll be ‘happy tomorrow’ you’ll waste your life.

💛 Do it for the love baby

do what you love.

Live a life you don’t need a vacation from.

Enjoy what makes YOU happy–whether it’s drawing, reading, playing basketball, anything positive.

But loving yourself does mean doing the things you love, so find what makes you happy and do it!

HOMEWORK TIME:

Figure out three things that you LOVE to do. I know three sounds easy, but sometimes it’s hard to remember who are when you don’t love yourself anymore.

💛 Treat yourself every so often

Listen up Moms, Aunts, and childless millennials.

You’ve likely heard this before–and though you can definitely go overboard with treating yourself, if you’re the kind of person who tends to deny yourself the things that you want, then by all means, treat yo’self! (Parks and Rec fans, I hope this reference resonates.)

Buy that cute top, that cheeseburger, that doo-dad. As long as you’re not breaking the bank, show yourself a little love every now and then and buy yourself a present!

💛 Don’t be a Scrooge

Do you give to others? Or do you keep it to yourself?

Yes, you should give to yourself, but also giving to others is one of the most fulfilling ways to love yourself–as long as it’s not out of obligation or guilt. Giving freely–without expecting anything in return–is just as satisfying for you as it is for the person you’re giving to, and in that act of selflessness, you’re showing yourself more love than if you were to hold back from giving. 

💛 Don’t be a greedy glutton

Maybe there’s a reason you struggle with self love, and it might be because you don’t have boundaries with yourself.

Treating yourself is nice, but beware of treating yourself too much–because part of loving yourself is loving your body, too.

This doesn’t mean you become a health guru, but it does mean you take the necessary steps to feel good, whether it’s walking, running, biking, yoga, drinking more water, making wholesome meals, or eliminating foods that make you feel blah.

Listen, cake is fucking amazing, but gluten wreaks my body. So I make sure to stick to what feels good (even if that means avoiding things I love, like boxed caked) You only get one body–so love it!

💛 Celebrate your accomplishments

Thanks to negativity bias, most of us are more likely to focus on our failures than on our accomplishments–but you can’t forget all the things you’ve succeeded in doing, no matter how small! Take the time to write a list of everything you feel proud of, even if it feels insignificant–and then celebrate them!

💛 Stop with the comparison Bullshit

This one is huge, because in our social media-saturated world, it’s easy to spend hours looking at people who seem much prettier/healthier/happier/more successful than you.

First of all, fuck em.

Half of their lives are totally BS, and the other half of the time they are just doing it for attention.

Quit with the humble brag stuff too.

Just be authentic. who are YOU?

And find people that you can follow on social media that are authentic AF too.

(in case you’re wondering, theres a reason I’m not on social media much. I’m too fucking real for more than half the population and they would burn me at the stake. Which is weird because I’m a christian and not a witch but your prolly judging me right now for saying fuck and being a christian. It’s cool, I know how to love myself now 😉)

💛 Be yourself

Naturally, this one would make the list. Easier said than done, right?

WRONG!

It took me years to feel comfortable in my own skin (and right now I’m not comfortable because the library turned the a/c off and it’s hot as balls)

We can’t always be 100% ourselves in every setting. If you’re loud and boisterous, you probably can’t be that way at your quiet job (ask me how I know this)

Although, if it’s too much to bear, maybe it’s worth your while to find a job that plays to your strengths! The goal is to be the most yourself as possible, and if you’re holding back, then take a step back and ask yourself why. 

💛 Learn to let go of the little things

Please.

I saved the best for last.

My grandpa always says (and he’s 93 so listen to the old coot) not to sweat the small things because their all small things.

Imma say it again.

don’t sweat the small things, because their all small things.

Grandpa Blackburn

Similar to living in the present, learning to let go of the little things implies that you keep moving forward and not let small irritants ruin your day or your self-image. So you spilled your coffee–that sucks, but it’s nothing to beat yourself up over. So you didn’t get your laundry done like you said you would–tomorrow is a new day! Learning to love yourself means learning to laugh at your mistakes, to let them go, and to keep moving forward. You can’t control everything, but you can control how you think about yourself.

That it folks

Thats all she wrote.

go back, take notes, kick ass. You can love yourself and you can be the person you want to be. I know because I’ve been there- depressed self loathing new mom, to the wild brilliant person I am today.

Life’s a journey my friends, don’t sit on the sideline and let all the other cars pass you by.

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